Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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