Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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