Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize