you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize