i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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