Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
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Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
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Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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