I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
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I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
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You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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