Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
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she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
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I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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