There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
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I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
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Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize