sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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