I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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