Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
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