Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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