:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Randomize