Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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