Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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