Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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