Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
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