a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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