1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
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so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
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