THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
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you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
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I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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