I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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