"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
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it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
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Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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