she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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