the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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