some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can vaginas get frostbite?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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