I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
it hurts more in the daytime
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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