please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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