So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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