made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
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This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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