she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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