just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
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what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
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You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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