After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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