I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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