I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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