I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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