Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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