strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
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the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
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I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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