I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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