Your face is a jimmy john
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize