and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
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he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
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He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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