The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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