She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
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I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
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I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
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