I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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