trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize