i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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