Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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