OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
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I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
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But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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