I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize