happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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